It would seem that passing more tests you would have greater knowlege yet i sit not knowing just growing older seems knowledge eludes me .

An exquisite love of pain.

 

 

I  have spent a month or more on sensitizing my nipples . The process i thought would desensitize them . The  processs was every day with clamps chains and weights  except on weekends Now with every chance i get i pull or twist them to bring back the sensation.

 

 i think of new and different ways to cause an elevated form of pain .  i had started with just clothes pegs and now into vice grips for the pressure  and weight .

 

Unlike flagellation i can duplicate the pain with or without some one's assistance. Course it is always better with then with out.

 

I now sit eagerly waiting for my next changce to play with them.

Fantasy

Journal Entry | 1 Comment |about 3 hours ago

The idea of being naked let alone slaving in front of them when i do not know who they are is a great for m of humiliation. Then ther is the idea of blackmail causing me to loosse even more control is extremely exciting almost bring forth the feelings of real slavery. The possiblity of meeting them again in a vanilla situation such as shopping with my wife . TEH smile or gigle they would do or the pointing out to their friends the possibiity of discover is wild. One i would not want to be exposed in but then they would have all the power. I guess that is it the power or the lack of it would be humiliating yet no one would know except for them and i.THe idea of then having to comply with their wishes to keep my secret would almost be a form of bulling some thing as a child wishfor but my size and strenght did not allow for .
So i guess that is why i always include it as it being the wildess fantasy i have one that would grant the feeling i have always desired. If they wore masks it would even be better then only they would know me and every woman that pass by and glance or smiled would then cause me to think were they one of those that knew one of those that had the power to bring me to my knees to keep my station in vanilla life..
Interesting is it not?
OF course this would be true if it was a group of men or mixed.

There was a time when i hid behind titles

When asked what i was i would say a dom to show it was to show that i was not weak. Then it was a switch because i haad the needs of a slave but lack the courage to say i was a slave. Now the desire and i guess the number of years has gien me strength to admit it. I love to be the low man on the pole i love the humiliation of it and the pain. Not ebing able to argue instead jsut saying yes and giving over the control. the pictues i posted even in slave mode were ones of strenght . In chains or suffering through a punishment always could claim a manly appearance.

Now to be display as less then adequate is enjoyable . Little panties or ordered into a dress or other ridicules outfit a sours of degrading humiiatioin and enjoyment . So yes i think my days as a dom might be over adn for that matter the idea of manly is too now i am just a slave waiting to be told what to do so that i please my superiors which at this time is anyone who wishes to take the time to show just how much stronger than i that they are.

To the point that Tuesday i ws invited for supper by friends in the life style wo knew me only as a Dom. WHen they found out i had to cook dinner stand and serve them then clean up it.  They spent the evening ridiculing my abillity as a dom then drove me home with a threat of how much fun they will have next time. They are writing their house rules now and wondering how they can take me away for a weekend of their pleasure.

I see them rarely but look forward to the next visit.

So there you have it and for those that still think it is  a phase i am giong through well i am a slave and i enjoy being abused .

Should slaves be given allowances because they have a handicap?

I am legally blind , My hands some times shake due to diabetes and my balance is a little off. Those are the major things that could affect play. In conversation with a Dominant he was more trying to help me rather then treat me as a slave. I feel my handicaps lets say are part of my slavery not reasons to go easy on me. If i am told to stack some thing and it falls because of shaky hands that is my fault not the dominants.Now perhaps if you have thousand dollar glasses perhaps i should not be asked to put them away that is up to the dominant.

I feel that at the handicap is part of me and should not like not being strong interfere with play or real time slavery.Nor should it interfere with shaving or cleanliness of the slave.

Being Vanilla

is boring ! All those tasks that gave me pleasure in doing house cleaning making beds and so on are so mundane when dressed. WIth no chains to rattle the house is silent .Sitting naked in the garage hoping no one will seen is now just putting out the garbage. You wonder why vanilla always seem to be angery they have no spice their lives are so boring .

Oh well

WEdding visitors from France for the next  three weeks a house that will always have some one in it .

Three weeks of wearing clothes wow i do not know if i can handle that. Let alone cleaing the house with clothes ons . No inforced kneeling while waiting for the postman to pass. No scrubbing floors on all fours with my balls a swinging. wow what is a guy todo. Oh well weddings are a special event happens only once in a while but really is there not a dominant that needs a naked slave to clean thir house at least once in the next three weeks? Oh well at least two other peopls i am not allowed to argue with or say no too often by the houes rules.